Detrimental
by Onesmartcookie78
Summary: "'So your theory is that I'm literally here as a pawn.'" Even psycho teenagers with god-complexes deserve someone. Too bad for Light that I ruined everything. Light/OC. Includes Beyond Birthday and plenty of strawberry jam! Psychological-thriller piece with mentions of mental disease and death. AU. Romance, M for some violence and possibly inappropriate scenes, bad language, etc.
1. Chapter 1

Detrimental

Onesmartcookie78

**Summary**:"_'God, if you have any mercy, please kill me now,'_ I prayed.** 'Sorry, I'm currently on hiatus,'** Light's voice was tinged with amusement." Even psycho teenagers with god-complexes deserve somebody. Too bad for Yagami Light that I ruined everything. Light/OC. Includes Beyond Birthday and plenty of strawberry jam! Psychological-thriller piece with mentions of mental disease, romance, and murder. Extremely AU.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own _Death Note_, only my OCs.

**A/N**: So I decided to start posting this even though I have three other stories started... The next chapter of "Ancient History" will still go up tomorrow, like it usually would. I will be updating this every 2-3 weeks, at the very least, every month at the most, unless I get caught up in something crucial. Keep in mind that this is the prologue, just an introduction, and does not contain all the characters we know and love yet.

* * *

"_A story has no beginning or end: arbitrarily one chooses that moment of experience from which to look back from or from which to look ahead."_

– Graham Greene's _The End of the Affair_

* * *

_**Prologue**_

Getting on that plane was the worst decision I've ever made, though I didn't exactly know that then, now did I? I only knew that I had received a letter from a school in Japan requesting me for a student exchange program. A translator would be provided, housing would be provided by a local family and they had sent a list of cultural instructors for me to get in contact with in order to avoid a faux pas.

It had seemed too good to be true –and in retrospect, it was– in the best of ways; my brother had just accepted a job from Interpol and they wanted him in Japan anyway. Not to mention, I had just finished Upper Second Form and was on my way to Uni regardless. The letter had the grandest timing– and I hadn't found that at all suspicious, at the time.

But now, here I am, unable to think of anything but all the clues I should have picked up on back when I had the chance to avoid this situation.

* * *

_"How can you never have seen _Death Note!?" my best friend, (read: casual acquaintance. She just thinks she is, for some reason, and I swear I'm not leading her on) Sasha, shrieked in my ear. Even through the phone it sounded remarkably similar to the sound a cat might make if it was run over by a lawnmower. Though that is how she usually sounds...

"Uh-huh," I grunted non-committally. My mobile was wedged between my shoulder and my cheek, the buttons digging uncomfortably into my skin. If only I had a smartphone. Then, maybe, my hands free function would actually work! Or, really, if I got a new mobile in general. I swear, the one I have currently is ancient. It belonged to my mum ten years ago, which is reason enough for me not to trash it.

_"Are you even listening to me?" _Sasha whined like a child. "_I don't have to talk to you, you know," _she threatened. The message was clear: to her, I was replaceable.

Her question snapped me out of my musings on my lack of useful technology, making me realise that I must have missed a prompt. A prompt, with Sasha, was a pause in between her constant yammering where I was meant to agree with her and _nothing else_. She says my brother is hot, I tell her "yes", she interprets it as "go for it". She never actually asks me questions that involve a response more detailed than a "yes" or a "no". And a "no" is an inadvisable response, even if she says something totally mad like: "I saw Light in a dream last night. Do you think I'll die and go to heaven?"

I didn't even know what she was talking about. I came to understand, later, the implications of _that _particular question.

"Yes." I decided it would be wise to quit my mumbling even if it was for only a second in order to appease her.

_"I mean, you've watched awful anime like _Fruits Basket–_" _she continued, disregarding the warning growl I gave.

I could deal with Sasha preaching to me the reasons why I should watch _Death Note_ (granted, I was only half-listening...) but I couldn't stand it when she criticised my taste in manga or anime. "_Fruits Basket_ is brilliant–" I retorted, but Sasha continued like I'd said nothing.

_"-and _Ouran High School Host Club–"

That didn't even make sense!

"You were the one who showed me that!" I reminded her, stopping the very important Further Mathematics homework I'd been doing in order to cross my arms.

_"That's beside the point. Go home and watch it. And then we'll talk manga."_

Sometimes, it was best to cave. At least she hadn't insulted the limited nature of my manga archives this time. "Dubbed or subbed?" I questioned, lifting my pencil off the page again. Great. Now I was going to have to restart number three, as I'm certain De Moivre's Theorem didn't require a crudely drawn picture of Sasha with devil horns.

_"Dubbed is good if you're doing something else, but Light's laughter in the subbed version is more chilling,"_ Sasha replied. _"Does that mean you'll watch it?"_

"As soon as I get off the phone with you," I promised, rolling my eyes. Now what was the power of-?

_"Okay, bye!"_ Sasha screamed loudly in my ear.

I jumped, my hand twitching and succeeding in drawing a solid line across my final solution. "Dammit!" I growled, barely registering Sasha's laughter before the line clicked. "Gah!" I erased the jerky character, noticing that it looked like an 'L'. I snorted; Sasha would've been pleased to know that her favourite character's name was currently scratched over my paper due to her interruption.

If I believed in the supernatural, I would've seen the occurrence as a sign.

But I didn't, so I left the London Library, choosing to walk home to my flat in Westminster, where I lived with my older brother, Kyle. On my way in, I grabbed the mail, flipping through it quickly. Most of the mail was for Kyle, and bills. His pay cheque was also mixed in with various junk offers that I quickly discarded. I myself had received three letters from universities, most notably Oxford.

I grinned. The moment of truth; would I get in, or not?

Distracted, I ran into the door of our flat. I rubbed my nose after I predictably dropped all of the mail and fell on my bum. The clasp to my backpack mysteriously broke and my books spilled across the dirty brown carpet. I grumbled to myself as I began collecting my items off the ground, only to get hit in the face with door _again_. As it turned out, Kyle had heard my fail and come to investigate.

He laughed at my luck for a good few minutes, allowing me ample time to gather the majority of my belongings.

"I'm sorry," he snickered, bending down to pick up the last piece of mail staining the floor. "But that was too funny!"

"Glad to see my pain amuses you," I glared at him, rubbing my nose. "I'm just a magnet for bad luck today," I complained, dumping my broken backpack onto the island in our kitchen and resorting the mail into neat piles. "This morning, I took my bike to school and was ten minutes late. In chem, my daft lab partner added water to a large quantity of an alkali metal. Can you image? KA-BOOM. Oh, and someone stubbed nails in my tires. I had to drop it off at the shop to get it fixed.

"Then, at the library, the librarian told me I had checked out three books that I hadn't and I owed money on them. When I showed her my library card, it turned out that she had let someone ELSE use my account. The old cow said she allows people to check out books without their card so long as they have some form of identification. She mistook my name for a bloke's name and let him check out books on my account," I ranted, pacing the tiny space our flat allowed.

"If the librarian is as old as you're saying, it's likely that she's familiar with the fictional detective, Ellery Queen, who was, in fact, a bloke. Though, in general, Ellery isn't a very popular name, so she could've just assumed that it was a bloke's name," Kyle soothed from his spot on the couch. He stood up and put a hand on my shoulder: "So just calm down."

I raised an eyebrow as he smirked at me. "Why are you all dressed up?" I questioned, straightening his blue striped tie and his grey suit jacket. The former matched his eyes and his dark brown hair was perfectly mussed somewhere between I-don't-care and, well, perfect.

He ignored me temporarily, buttoning his suit jacket and messing with his cufflinks. He brushed imaginary dust off of his clothes. "How do I look?"

"Like you're going on a date," I deduced, putting my hand on my chin in a stereotypical thinking pose.

"So?" Kyle asked, annoyed.

"Hmm," I drew my response out, ruffling his hair childishly. Kyle shoved my hand away, whining: "Ellery!" before fixing his hair with a glare.

"Better now," I gave him a thumb's up. "So I'm on my own for dinner tonight, then?"

"Yeah," Kyle confirmed, shrugging on his nice coat and looping a chequered blue scarf around his neck. "Be good, don't burn down the house, and if you go out at night, do try not to get mugged."

Yeah. That's my older brother. Kyle Daniel Lawrence. Able to joke about things that most mothers would ground their children for even suggesting.

Speaking of mothers, our parents died in a mugging (which makes his joke in even poorer taste than I'm sure you thought earlier) when I was eleven and Kyle was seventeen. I went to live with my Aunt Jenny in Bristol for the six years it took for him to finish university and get his degree. He currently works for MI5 as an enterprise architect, a posh term meaning... well, I'm not really supposed to even be saying that he works for who he does, so I'll leave it to you to figure out what that means.

"Oh!" he called, making me realise that during my rumination, he'd left, and he was now in the door frame after returning. "And you forgot to pick this up!" he tossed a letter that I'd apparently left in the hallway to the floor, again, and slammed the door. I could hear the pounding of his feet down the steps. He must be late.

I rolled my eyes and picked it up. The envelope was from out of the country and printed in either Japanese or Chinese. I wasn't sure. I started up the computer, sitting the envelope next to it, and went to the fridge for a bottle of water.

When I came back, I put the dubbed version of _Death Note_ on and went to Google Translate. I managed to figure out how to put in the characters (it took me twenty minutes, in which I finished the first episode solely by listening) and came up with my name and address from a school in Japan.

Apparently, my Spanish, English and French teachers from over the years had corroborated to submit my name to a foreign exchange program. Since I was "good with language", they were confident that I'd be able to learn Japanese between my graduation from Upper-Sixth Form and my first year at University.

I didn't have to accept the offer, which relieved me. I may have an eidetic memory, but I didn't want to put the unnecessary stress of learning a new language on myself. It was enough to be following in my brother's footsteps. I was content with the idea of getting a Psy.D in psychology and criminology, with an emphasis on science related courses, in hopes of being a criminal profiler for the MI6. It was all very ambitious, and would likely be difficult to complete. Which is why I plan on being an intern throughout university.

Life goals in a nutshell.

After watching the fourth episode of _Death Note_, I went to the kitchen to retrieve my wallet, purse, and phone. A quick stop to the closet saw me sporting a black coat and on my way to get some food. I was hoping for sushi, (watching anime always brought that upon me) but if the line to my favourite takeaway place was too long, I was willing to go to the store to buy something of the pre-packaged variety.

As it so turned out, the line _was _too long and I was going to have to go to the store. Terrible luck today. Seriously.

When I was on my way home, I couldn't help but feel like someone was following me. I never heard footsteps or saw a shadow that wasn't mine, but I felt like someone was drilling holes into the back of my head. I ran home and the rest of my evening was uneventful.

* * *

After seeing L die, I almost stopped watching the series. Honestly, I figured that Yagami Light was your usual _stunningly-handsome_ brand of sociopathic serial killer while L was a _self-serving_ sociopathic detective. I thought Matsuda was a loveable idiot with good intentions. I thought Misa was sycophantic, preppy blonde, and underneath my initial dislike of her character was an inert feeling of pity; her naive views on love and loyalty were what had gotten her into trouble, after all.

I thought Light's intentions were admirable (ridding the world of criminals did indicate a strong sense of justice) but that the way he went about it made him a stark-raving mad hypocrite. L was a liar and on the right side, but slightly evil himself. Basically, I conclusively decided that the ends never justify the means.

I wasn't sure if that's what I was meant to get out of it, but that's what popped into my head.

I didn't see my brother again until after school, at which point he told me he'd seen the letter next to the computer. He immediately wanted to know my response.

From the beginning of our conversation, it was clear that he was all for moving. His date must not have gone very well. Anyway, he pushed the whole time, telling me he knew I could learn the language, that I was extremely intelligent and more than capable. That I had the social skills (yeah, right) to fit in and charm everyone with my good looks.

I called B.S. and he admitted that Interpol had offered him a job in Japan. His main concern being me and school, Kyle originally wasn't going to talk to me about transcontinental moving until I graduated Upper-Sixth Form.

Considering how much he clearly wanted to move and the hope my teachers had looked at me with when I remembered to confront them, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, moving would apparently please everyone around me, most specifically my brother, whose existence practically started revolving around me when our parents died. And I really wanted to make my brother proud. On the other, I really didn't want to move and I'd been accepted to Oxford, my dream university.

I could live in Japan, I could probably learn the language, but did I want to? Well, sorta? I wasn't even really sure. I had no guarantee of my own happiness, nor was I sure of how things worked in Japan. I didn't know the customs, which were far different, and which I'd have to learn on top of the language.

So, a week later, I had my brother schedule my first Japanese lesson, despite the fact that the university would be providing a translator.

* * *

Months later, another letter came through the mail addressed to me in Japanese. My brother wasn't going to be able to transfer to Interpol straightaway, so I was going to stay with a family in Japan for my first year of university. The letter gave me the name of the family (Yagami, which was ironic considering my new obsession) I was to be staying with, along with directions from the airport to their house, and from their house to the university.

University didn't start for at least two months (and even still, it would be the second term of Japanese university... they were willing to set me up with classes and a tutor when I arrived), but the school insisted that I come a month early to familiarise myself with the city (and start the coursework from the first term), used to the speech patterns and integrated with the customs. The fact that my departure was on the horizon was both nerve-racking and a relief; to know that I finally had a set date was relaxing, but to know that it was so imminent was stressful.

Nevertheless, I began packing all of my clothes, the sheets I wanted, the majority of my bookcase, (I had to sacrifice some of the clothes for them) hygiene items, and any other mementos that I was going to want. My carry-on consisted of my crappy phone (of which I planned to buy a nicer and cheaper upgrade of in Japan), my laptop (which would soon be replaced by the one the university was supplying me with) three books (I read fast and get bored easily) and my writing journal.

The journal was old and unused. Something my dad had given me before he died. Maybe one day I'd be able to write something in it. I remembered a time not so long ago when my life goal was to be a mystery-thriller author. Then I saw death, real death, and changed my mind.

I contemplated this as I absentmindedly tossed nice clothes into my trunk, unaware that my brother was calling for me until he threw a pillow at the side of my head.

"Ellery Justine Lawrence! Are you listening to me?" he scolded from his flopped position on my bed. It was hard to take him seriously when he was looking at my ceiling rather than my face and pouting.

"No," I admitted casually, smirking when it prompted the desired response. Kyle instantly sulked further off the side of my bed, until he fell. His buttons were so easy to push.

"Do I just have that kind of face?" Kyle complained from his newfound position on the floor.

"Yes," I deadpanned. "Now what is it?"

"Will you miss me?" Kyle questioned, suddenly serious as he walked towards me.

"It's a year at the most," I reminded him. "Probably less, to be honest. Not to mention I lived without you for six years _and _took care of Aunt Jenny. The Yagamis will take care of me. They have a son who's only a year younger than me and a daughter. I'll be in good company, you'll see."

"What if they're criminals or something?" Kyle worried as though he'd never asked me the question before. As though he hadn't used the software he'd invented to look into the Yagamis and find out that they were a perfectly sane, normal family. As though he wasn't really thinking about how much he would miss me.

He had spent six years missing me. He'd been so much more mature than me. He'd understood so much better than that eleven year old girl. She had barely known her older brother, but he'd remembered every moment of his little sister. He remembered holding me after I was born, playing with me as a baby, as a toddler. Reading books to me as soon as he was able to read decently, playing music for me when he'd learnt piano and then teaching me. He'd helped me learn to write, to read.

And I could hardly remember any of that. The difference between seventeen and eleven.

Twenty-three and seventeen.

"I'll miss you," I said abruptly, hugging him. I wasn't one for physical contact. I had hugged him when he'd come for me after he'd bought a flat and graduated university. After that though, Kyle and I had never hugged. He could tell it made me uncomfortable and I knew it made him feel feminine.

Kyle reacted quickly, squeezing me tightly enough that it hurt and lifting me off my feet. "You're my responsibility, Ellery," he reminded me, putting me down and staring straight into my blue eyes. The same ones that adorned his own face. "If you get hurt whilst I'm not there it's my fault." He was distressed and he wanted to protect me.

My brother is a softie.

"Everything will be all right," I assured him.

I was wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

Detrimental 2

Onesmartcookie78

**Summary**: Even psycho teenagers with god-complexes deserve somebody. Too bad for Yagami Light that I ruined everything. Light/OC. Includes Beyond Birthday and plenty of strawberry jam! Psychological-thriller piece with mentions of mental disease, romance, and murder.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own _Death Note_, only my OCs. All references to abridged _Death Note_ videos on YouTube is intentional, though they do not belong to me either.

**A/N**: We finally see the characters we know and love! Except L. Sorry.

**A/N**: '_**Beyond Birthday'**__; 'Ellery Lawrence'; _'_Misa Amane_'_;_ '**Light Yagami'**.

This is the key for who is talking inside Ellery's head. You will need it towards the end of the chapter, but once Ellery figures out who's who, I will put speech tags in so that you know who is speaking. Also, all will be revealed, so don't worry about being confused right now.

* * *

"_Bernard gave his orders in the sharp, rather arrogant and even offensive tone of one who does not feel himself too secure in his superiority" _(Huxley 64).

– Aldous Huxley's _Brave New World_

* * *

Plane rides are really boring when you've been on a plane a thousand times before. My brother's job requires the occasional business trip, and when he goes anywhere, he tends to bring me. He likes to make jokes about how he can't do anything without me, but I know it's because he's afraid that what happened to mum and dad will happen to me if I'm without him.

Which is part of the reason why he was so nervous in seeing me off. He reminded me at least twice to call him as soon as I landed (he allowed me to "borrow" one of his prototype overseas mobiles. It came with a completely secure line for confidential calling, as well as a GPS tracking chip that I absolutely did not figure out how to remove) and text when I reached the Yagami's.

And now here I sat, awaiting an eleven and three-quarter hour long flight (Interpol was paying for my relocation, because of my brother, and so I was flying direct). The waiting wasn't really all that bad. I just sat and read through my copy of _Thinking Fast and Slow_. When I inevitably finished it, I resorted to _Pioneers of Psychology_. It was surprisingly interesting, given that it was a textbook on the history of psychology.

By the time I had finished the first few chapters, we were five hours into the flight. I closed my book for a second in order to shift into a more comfortable position and yawn, and wound up knocking into the person I was sitting next to. "Sorry," I apologised absentmindedly, already opening my book again.

Any ideas I had about reading more were washed away when _Pioneers of Psychology_ was snatched out of my hands. "Hey–" I began to protest angrily. I wound up cutting myself off when I saw the mess of black hair belonging to a bloke who was perched on the balls of his feet.

'_L? No it can't be. That's all in manga and its adaptations, Ellery. Someone's cosplaying rather well, huh?'_

"–nice costume," I finished lamely. "Now can I have my book back?"

Sepia eyes turned to me, brimming with a psychosis that had no place in the eyes of my beloved detective.

'_Though the expression is much more befitting of Beyond Birthday, or Mikami or Light...'_

"How rude," came a very much amused voice from the other side of the L –BB?– look-alike. "You do know we can both hear you, right?"

'_Huh?'_

"What are you talking about?" I leant past the cosplayer's bent, blue-jean-clad legs in order to see who exactly I was addressing.

Amber eyes peered out from behind light brown hair as the speaker rolled the sleeves of his dress shirt up to his elbows and loosened his tie. "Ellery, I don't understand why you always seem surprised whenever Beyond and I show up. I guess it's because you tend to get so caught up in whatever it is you're currently working on, though–"

"What are you talking about? Who are you two?" I made a face as I scrutinised the **L**ook-alike more closely– he was a perfect copy, with the bags and posture and everything. If only his eyes were onyx; then he'd be an exact replica. As it was, he was currently much more similar to BB, which I suppose lended to whatever mystery-man no. 2 was saying.

"Looks like we made it to the beginning of her timeline," **L**ook-alike observed, flipping through _Pioneers of Psychology_ like it was a picture book. I doubted he was actually reading it, but sepia orbs flicked quickly across the pages, as though he was skimming, at the very least.

"I suppose I'll explain, then," mysteryman no. 2 decided, lifting his head so that I could see his face clearly.

'_Light?'_

"It amuses me that you recognise me so readily, even in your early stages," Light-poser smirked. He and **L**ook-alike flickered for a few seconds, then switched places. It happened in the blink of an eye; neither of them moved –and if they did, it was too fast for my eyes to track– rather Light was suddenly next to me and **L**ook-alike was on his other side. "You just did it again, referred to me as 'Light' yet refused to acknowledge the probability that _he_–" here he pointed to **L**ook-alike "-is really Beyond Birthday."

"This is a dream anyway. Who I choose to recognise is up to my subconscious," I said thoughtfully, wholly unconcerned. I had just been reading books on psychology, but it was practically common knowledge that our dreams tend to reflect our deepest fears or desires. For me, I had always wanted to live a fantasy outside of my own life, thus this dream reflected what I wanted. However, I'd decided while reading _Death Note_ that the world contained in the _Death Note_-verse would suck to live in. I mean, having to deal with a series in which the main conflict owed itself to the boredom of psychopathic geniuses? No thanks.

Then again, the fact that I was clearly able to remember the beginning and middle of this "dream" was worrying. I mean, _Inception_ taught me that we always remember the end of a dream, never the beginning, and only about half of the middle. Not to mention I was thinking, completely uninhibited. If this was a dream, it was incredibly abnormal, unless it was a lucid dream. I suppose it was possible that–

"-off in her own world again, Light," Beyond Birthday was saying around a mouthful of strawberry jam.

"Ironic that her consciousness only recognises you as Beyond when you start eating _that_," Light chuckled. "Goes to show that you're mainly associated with breakfast, Beyond."

"What is going on?" I asked bluntly, pinching myself. It actually hurt, but I wasn't exactly willing to ask either of the blokes in front of me to: Beyond was liable to take such as an invitation to stab me, where Light would probably just stare at me blankly and shake his head. "Are you two real?"

Beyond and Light exchanged a look.

"As real as you want us to be," Beyond said from behind a finger of jam, shrugging as well as he could from his perch.

"Does that mean that I've imagined the two of you?" I questioned, frowning in confusion. If I was dreaming, I think I would've dreamt up much more cooperative versions of the two characters.

"No," Light scowled at the same time Beyond said passively: "Perhaps."

Light rolled his eyes. "For someone who has used the Death Note, there is no heaven or hell, rather, there is limbo. You know this, Ellery. I'm fairly certain I'm here because of that, and Beyond has the eyes, so I suppose he could be considered connected to the realm of the Shinigami, causing him to fall into this state of limbo as well."

"You don't sound very sure," I muttered as I finally snatched my book from Beyond's grasp. "And there are plenty of holes in that theory."

"It's the most likely explanation," Light asserted firmly, voice dangerous since I'd dared to oppose him.

"Or you're imagining both of us," Beyond put in philosophically. "We could be figments of your subconscious, Ellery. Light would represent the realistic side of you keen on appearing to fit in, whilst I would be your erratic, habitual side."

I snorted, "Terrible comparison. You're implying that I have multiple personality disorder, or schizophrenia. Shouldn't, then, one of your represent the good side of me? I mean, both of you are psychotic murderers."

"I prefer the term 'World's Greatest Criminal'," Beyond denied, leaning past Light to offer me his jar of strawberry jam. I hesitantly accepted it, unsure of any possible significance of Beyond giving me his prized snack. "And, if anything, I'd say that _you _suffer from schizophrenia. _I'm _a psychopath, and _Light_ is a sociopath with severe _folie de grandeur_, commonly associated with narcissistic personality disorder and megalomania."

"If you're going to psychoanalyse Light, Beyond, don't leave anything out; he suffers from the messiah –Christ– complex in the beginning. This complex later manifests into an even worse one; the god complex, in which Light believes himself to be a god–" I said thoughtfully, swirling my finger in Beyond's jam.

"I _am_ a God," Light snarled, glaring between the two of us. "If I had my Death Note, I wouldn't hesitate to kill both of you idiots."

Beyond and I turned to each other at the same time. A slow smile spread over my lips as we both cited: "Superiority complex."

There was silence as Light fumed, and I couldn't help but think that if this was a dream, Light would've whipped out his Death Note and killed Beyond and I after that comment. Not to mention, I was calmly chatting with Beyond, and he hadn't pulled out a knife and cut me yet. And I could taste the jam; it wasn't flavourless. So was it a dream, or wasn't it?

"Am I dreaming?" I finally managed to ask.

"I don't know," Beyond shrugged, taking his jam back from me, "why don't you wake up and find out?"

"But if it's real, then how do I wake up?" I wondered, glancing between Light and Beyond.

Once again, Beyond shrugged.

Light's hair fell over his eyes, shadowing them. A disturbing smirk twisted across his mouth, his eyes darkened to the point of pitch. The look itself made me want to duck and cover, or at least run very, very far away, but the way it turned his face from attractive honor student to sinister Kira was what truly frightened me. How easy it had been for his outward appearance to trick me into forgetting his sadistic past times was the truly terrifying truth behind his shift of personality.

I watched, suddenly drowsy, as Light held out his hand to Beyond. Beyond placed the jam in Light's palm, though that evidently wasn't what Light wanted, as he threw it to the ground. The glass shattered, flinging broken shards all over the floor of the plane and slinging jam, thick as blood –and about the same shade, too– all over the upholstery. Beyond seemed to get the message though, and passed over something shiny.

"What's that?" I questioned, blinking rapidly.

"The fastest way to wake up–" Beyond answered instead, unaffected, scooping up some jam off the floor and examining it thoughtfully before sticking in his mouth. I swear that I saw the refractive gleam of glass catching light on his finger.

"-is to die," Light finished savagely, plunging the knife into my chest.

My eyes snapped open to the garbled sound of the pilot alerting us that we should be putting our seatbelts on for some reason. I peered blearily around, vaguely hearing screaming, though it cut in and out like bad audio in a pirated movie. I stared at the open pages of _Pioneers of Psychology_, unable to focus on anything but the words in front of me– there was jam splattered over them.

And the plane was falling out of the sky.

* * *

Pain. There was so much pain in waking up. I tried to move my arm, but I couldn't feel it.

I swallowed the bile forcing itself up my throat and opened my eyes. Wreckage graced my gaze; flaming bits of debris littered the ground.; craters had opened up from the force of the crash, and I was sitting in one of the largest. I noticed belatedly that there was dead quiet– no screaming, no sirens. No survivors and no help was coming.

I tried to move my other arm, but it was twisted at an awkward angle, clearly broken.

Panic set in as my mind struggled to process the events.

First, I had a strange dream that may have actually been real, or, at the very least, a schizophrenic episode. However, there had clearly been strawberry jam all over my textbook. Second, I came out of the possible "dream" only to discover it may have been real. Thirdly, the plane I had been on had crashed.

I felt tears track down my face as hopelessness set in. By the time anyone found out that my plane had gone down, I would surely be dead. Black darkened my vision.

Oh, and Kyle! He was going to tear himself apart over what had happened! He had been so worried about me getting on that plane, and I'd reassured him that I would be fine.

_I was so very wrong._

Kyle would have no family left, other than Aunt Jenny, and she wasn't exactly all there. A bit of a madwoman, really.

And would Kyle even be able to deal with the death of a third family member?

'**Relax, you're hardly dead yet,'** a condescending voice scolded me. '**Now Ellery, I need you to look at me.'**

'_Look at who? I can't see. It's so dark. I'm dying, aren't I?'_

A second voice, '_**And I thought you were the drama queen, Misa...'**_

Then a third: '_I am not a drama queen, Beyond-san!'_

'_I'm hearing voices,'_ I thought, '_I must already be dead.'_

'_**No, Ellery, we already talked about this; you're schizophrenic, remember? Light has a superiority complex, a messiah complex (which evolves into a full-fledged God complex) and–'**_

'**Beyond-san, kindly shut up. Ellery, open your eyes again. We have a plan.'**

'_Yagami Light?'_

'**You will always recognise me, won't you?'** amused laughter followed, along with a vague sense of jealousy from someone inside my head who wasn't me. '**Do as I say. Open your eyes, Ellery.'**

I obeyed the strict voice and was greeted with a bout of intense vertigo as my vision swam in and out of focus, blurring around the edges. I could make out a nice set of loafers off to my right and a pair black mary janes to my left. Crouched in front of me was Beyond Birthday. His feet were bare of footwear and he was holding a single, jam-coated finger out toward me. When Beyond saw that my eyes were open, he moved the digit closer and closer to my mouth until I was forced to open it. His finger causally found its way into my mouth and withdrew as soon as I'd cleaned it of jam.

Had I not been dying of blood-loss, I may have had the capacity to blush.

"Oh, quit it with the dramatics, you'll be fine," an overtly feminine voice criticised snootily. "I don't understand why she has to get _Misa's _body, Light-kun–"

"Misa?" this was Light.

"Yes?" Misa again.

"If you love me as much as you claim to, you'll sacrifice your body for Ellery's. We can get yours back later, it's only temporary," Light commanded.

"Why do we have to share Ellery-san's body? Don't you want Misa's body, Light? Do you love Ellery-san more than Misa-Misa?" Misa whined. How attractive. Didn't she know that she was just irritating Light?

"Nothing Misa ever does could irrit-it-tate Light!" Misa shrieked at me, stooping down so that her glare met my eyes instead of my broken body. Her eyes were a bright, clear emerald, her yellow (not blond, no, simply yellow) hair in its signature two pigtails. She was dressed like a pretty little slag, but that didn't change the fact that she was in hooker black and gothic lace. Crosses decorated her ears and wrists, and a large black one hung from a chain around her neck.

"Don't you understand, Misa?" Beyond rolled his eyes at me from where Misa couldn't see him. "We can't read each other's thoughts. We can only read Ellery's, and that facet is localised to her body alone. If you and Ellery shared Misa's body, we wouldn't be able to hear either of your thoughts. If you and Ellery share Ellery's body, Light and I should be able to hear both of your thoughts. And if you sacrifice your current body for Ellery's she'll be able to have a physical body while being possessed by someone in limbo, allowing her to exist on the plane of life as well."

Misa stared between Light and Beyond blankly.

"You don't get it, do you?"

"There aren't many that would," I rasped. My voice sounded cracked and dry, like I'd been wandering around the desert throughout the day with no water.

"Do you understand?" Beyond asked curiously.

"I don't know. Something about my body allows you three to read my mind and me to see you even though you're supposed to be in limbo?"

"Yes, I suppose that's part of it," Beyond offered me more jam in a reward for my correct response, but, to be honest, the thought of the sweet stuff made me feel sick. "Though we are in limbo. You're just able to see us anyway. No one else can. The same applies to Shinigami– you should be able to see Ryuuk and Rem without touching Misa and Light's Death Notes first."

"So then the second half of it is that if Misa, a dweller of limbo, were to possess me, I'd be completely healed because I'd have a physical body –meaning everyone in the real world could see me– and the healthy spirit of someone in limbo. Is that right?" to be honest, _I_ was confused, and this was _my_ dream. Though why I was having a dream inside of a dream and hadn't woken up after the plane had crashed was beyond me.

Haha. Beyond.

"Something like that," Light conceded impatiently. "Now we need to do this before your body dies, because there's nothing we can do if you die completely. Ready, Misa?"

"I don't want to," Misa grumbled, but she began to glow until she'd completely dispersed into the air in a gaseous state. The gas was black, like her clothes, and looked poisonous. I shuddered as I breathed in the smog-like form of Misa.

'_I didn't exactly want to do this either,'_ Misa hissed at me in annoyance, '_now can I leave? Sharing a body is so crowded, and she's healed enough.'_

'**Yes, get out,'** Light allowed. I opened my eyes to find Light lifting the wreckage off of me. Beyond was unhelpfully scooping out jam and Misa was pouting with her arms crossed.

"What exactly is going on?" I wondered, accepting Light's offered hand. His left hand found the small of my back as he pulled me closer to him. I tried to pull away, but his hands were like bands of steel. "Yagami-kun, get off me." I stressed the 'kun' part, communicating the fact that I didn't know him well enough to take the liberty of calling on him without the honorific. It hadn't escaped my notice that he had called me 'Ellery', not 'Ellery-sempai' or 'Ellery-san' or even 'Ellery-chan'. Misa had received the same address, but Misa was dating Light. Beyond had called Misa, Light and I all informally, but he was English, so he could get away with it. Honestly, it would have seemed strange for Beyond to use honorifics. It seemed beneath him, somehow.

"Well, you're not dreaming, Ellery, that's for sure," Beyond clarified.


	3. Chapter 3

Detrimental 3

Onesmartcookie78

**Summary **:"'So your theory is that I'm literally here as a pawn.'" Even psycho teenagers with god-complexes deserve someone. Too bad for Light that I ruined everything. Light/OC. Includes Beyond Birthday and plenty of strawberry jam! Psychological-thriller piece with mentions of mental disease and death. AU. Romance, M for some language and possibly inappropriate scenes.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own _Death Note_, only my OCs. All references to abridged _Death Note_ videos on YouTube is intentional, though they do not belong to me either.

* * *

"_To back to the days when we were younger_

_When everything was like a loaded gun_

_Ready to go off in any minute_

_And you know we're gonna win_

_Yeah, you know we're gonna win again_

_Yeah, you know we're gonna win again_

_Maybe I'm the one_

_Maybe I'm the one_

_Who is the schizophrenic psycho, yeah"_

– Puddle of Mudd's "Psycho"

* * *

"_Well, you're not dreaming, Ellery, that's for sure," Beyond clarified._

"That's not very helpful," I retorted, picking at a loose thread on my sheer, flowered top. Somehow, the clothes I was wearing weren't completely degraded by the flames of the crash. That, or having Misa share my body had also mended my outfit. Like Misa had said, I had healed 'enough'. I was fairly sure one of my ribs was still cracked, and my left arm still stuck out at a bad angle– it had absolutely no mobility and hurt like a bitch. Not to mention, I could feel bruises all over my body. Oh, and I had no idea how I was going to get out of the crash site.

'**You don't have to worry about that,'** Light's voice came inside my head. '**I'll take care of that.'**

By this point, I was suspicious of Light, and pretty positive that he wanted me to be his newest pawn. People were nothing but chess pieces to him.

'**Queen, actually,'** Light interrupted my mental dialogue again. '**Queens are the most mobile pieces, and since I can get inside your head, you are certainly the most valuable and manipulatable.'**

'_How reassuring, being told by a psychopath that I can be manipulated at the snap of his fingers,'_ I thought back disparagingly.

'_**I thought I told you that I was a sociopath?'**_ came Beyond's voice.

'_No, I wasn't talking to you–' _I tried to explain.

'_I'm a woman, not a man,'_ Misa corrected me, _'and what does "manip-u-lately" mean?'_

'_God, if you have any mercy, please kill me now,'_ I prayed, trying not to touch that sentence full of idiocy with a twenty-foot pole.

'**Sorry, I'm currently on hiatus,'** Light's voice was tinged with amusement.

'_Light-kun doesn't have his Death Note right now...'_ Misa informed me, confused.

'_**I've never been called "God" before,'**_ Beyond added.

"THAT'S IT! ALL OF YOU LOT, OUT OF MY HEAD!" I screamed, clasping my hands over my ears. "Is it always going to be like this?"

Beyond and Light looked at each other, while Misa stared transfixedly at Light, perfectly lost. "No, usually there's only one of us with you at a time, and we'll be sharing your body with you, though you can also go into one of our bodies," Beyond decided on.

"How does that work?" I questioned tiredly.

"To be honest," Light began, "we really don't know. There's no scientific explanation, but Beyond-san and I figure that Kira is meant to win and you're here to make sure it happens. After all, the three of us can read your thoughts and take control of your body, should we want to, and we all support Kira. Beyond-san solely because Kira opposes L, and Misa and I for obvious reasons."

"So your theory is that I'm _literally here as a pawn_?" I snarled. That was all Light and Beyond thought of me as? I was a bit insulted. I wasn't a game piece to move about at whim. I was a person. The fact that the both so readily accepted me as an object to be manipulated...

"You forget that we've seen your future," Misa interjected, sniffing, "we know that's all you are."

I put my fingers to my temple. "Please tell me I'm dreaming."

"We already decided that you aren't, Ellery," Beyond reminded me. "In fact, we've had numerous discussions on the matter. This is all very real."

"Then what about my brother?" I asked quietly.

"You'll see him again," Light told me exasperatedly. "Now I'm going to make sure the police have gotten word of the plane crash."

He had already started walking away, Misa trailing after him like the sycophantic puppy she was, when I thought to shout: "What country is this?"

I received no reply.

* * *

Three hours later, Light's thoughts appeared in my head again, alerting me to crawl under some debris to set the scene: some police officers would be by soon to investigate the wreckage. Having been snacking on jam with Beyond and exchanging psychoanalyses of Misa (though we decided that she didn't have enough going on upstairs to have any mental diseases) I was reluctant to surrender intelligent conversation for a frantic phone call to my brother.

Beyond helped me bury myself in rubble to the point where I couldn't get out again. Not even a few minutes later, Belarusian police officers were on the scene, calling out in Russian. I shouted for help in English (I couldn't speak a lick of Russian, after all) and flailed about.

A few hours later, I was in a Belarusian police station in Mazyr, calling Kyle. Light, Misa and Beyond had all disappeared, though I expected them to show up at any minute.

"I knew something like this would happen!" Kyle informed me after his initial fussing. "I'm catching a flight to Minsk and you're getting a cab to Minsk and we're going to fly back to London together. You can send an email to the admissions officer and tell them that you won't be arriving until I go to Japan for my new job. Just stay in the police station, Ellery, and let me–"

'**Tell him no,'** Light's voice warned forcefully. '**Now.'**

I looked to my right and saw Light sitting in the chair next to me. The nice translator the police had brought in was near the door chatting with one of the officers. Apparently, neither of them could see Light. Or Beyond, who I noticed in the chair to my left.

I felt my mouth move, though hardly of its own accord as Light's eyes drilled into me threateningly. "No, Kyle. Everything's okay." What was I saying? "You don't need to come and pick me up." This wasn't what I wanted! All I wanted was to hug my older brother, have a long therapy session and get tested for schizophrenia! "I'll just catch the next flight from Minsk National to Haneda." No, I just wanted to go home!

"No," Kyle asserted firmly, "I'm coming, Ellery."

'**Get rid of him, now. Do it. Tell him you don't **want **him to come if that's what it takes,'** Light pressured me

I could feel a headache coming on, pulsing like a bitch behind my eyes. '_Get out of my fucking head, Yagami-san.'_

Yet my lips still formed words I didn't want them to. "No, really, Kyle. Don't be ridiculous. I don't want you to waste your time coming here. I'm only slightly injured. I'll just fly to Japan; it'll be free anyway, the airline is paying for my flight as a survivor."

'**Good, keep going,'** Light instructed.

"Besides, Kyle, you know how badly I wanted to go to Japan. You can't make me wait. What if the university retracts its offer because I'm late?" I bit my tongue to keep from saying what I knew to be the final blow, but the words worked their way out of my mouth regardless. "It's your fault that I had to stay with Aunt Jenny, Kyle. You put university before me. You were selfish. Allow me to be selfish. I won't be able to forgive you if you don't let me continue on to Japan."

It was the exact right thing to shut Kyle down, and I knew it. 'It's your fault,' and 'you were selfish' and 'I won't forgive you'. All of those things added together, and he was a puddle at my feet. I knew it. I had always known it, even when I'd barely know him, because those were the phrases that I had thought in the dark hours of the night when I hadn't understood that in order to support me, he had to have a degree and a job. Those were the black marks that haunted Kyle's past, the things that he feared I would resent him for. And here I was, letting them drop out of my mouth when I had never called attention to them before. We'd never spoken about the fact that I had lived with my Aunt Jenny for years. We'd never talked about how awful she was or how awful it was that he'd had to leave me with her.

The phrasing that I'd used had been designed to evoke a very specific reaction from Kyle, and that was acquiescence.

Instantly, I wanted to take it back, but, like before, I couldn't control my mouth.

'**Very good, Ellery,'** Light's words felt like poison in my veins, thickening my blood to sludge and slowing my heart. His praise was the worst kind of honey; tar-like, yet sweet smelling– tempting even though I knew it should not be. Even though I knew his compliments were simply empty platitudes.

And the worst part was that I wasn't sure if he was wrong to force me to do what I had; I certainly wasn't keen on it, but I could feel all of my doubts slipping away as he fixed me with that falsely commending face. His eyes were entirely too warm –they should've been as glacial as the ice that froze his heart and prevented him from loving– though I was probably romanticising his expression without even noticing it due to his influence inside my head. And a smile that was the perfect cross between a smirk and a grin adorned his lips, adding a dark edge to a would-be cute expression. (I take my previous statement back; _this_ was the worst part. The fact that I could find an _absolute madman_ who I _knew _was trying to _manipulate me_ attractive.)

Now that I thought about it, Light must've forced me to talk to Kyle that way. I never would've otherwise. But was I really that important? Light _had_ compared me to a queen in his game of chess, the most critical piece on the board. A whole game could hinge on the position of the queen, but the same could be said of any piece. All were important in some way, and it was possible to win without the queen.

Surely he could revise his Xanatos Speed Chess to disinclude me! I didn't want to be here. I wasn't even convinced that this _here_ was even a real place. In fact, I was fairly sure that I was going to wake up, and all of this would simply be a bad dream, or a comatose hallucination.

There was no way that _Death Note_-verse had crossed over with my reality. It simply wasn't plausible. The way this was melded... all the fanficions that I'd read with OCs in them had left their world completely and joined the _Death Note_-verse unwilling. Never before had real life and _Death Note _merged.

And they must've, because Kyle was still here. I didn't have to leave him. Not to mention, I was supposed to be housed by the Yagamis when I got to Japan, and I no longer suspected that this was solely a coincidence. Were there, then, others who would retain their knowledge of _Death Note_?

'**No,'** came Light's voice, interrupting my internal monologue. '**Now answer your brother's question. He's been waiting for a response for over five minutes, Ellery.'**

"–Ellery, are you still there? I understand if you don't want to listen to my apologies, they are coming a bit belatedly, but I really am sorry. I didn't mean to leave you with her, but we had no other living family and I couldn't keep you in my dorm room. And the agency was paying for me to finish my education because they were so interested. I didn't feel like I had a choice in the matter... And I'm sorry if it feels like I pressured you into going to Japan. _I_ feel like I forced you to, when I wanted it to be your decision. If you want me to come get you, I will, but... I guess what I'm saying is that it's up to you. You can keep going, if you want; I won't find any excuses to hold you back, that would be hypocritical. If you don't... just know that I'm here. Okay, Ellery?"

I shook my head. I had missed most of his apology. The apology I had been looking for since Aunt Jenny had started throwing things at the misplaced voices. "I accept your apology, Kyle, and I'm sorry for playing that card. It was really unfair of me to. I just want to go to Japan. I feel like it's a great opportunity to broaden my horizons and enhance my capabilities."

'_**Keep it together, Ellery. You're almost there.'**_It was Beyond. I had almost forgotten that he was here, too. He'd definitely been quiet enough. Frankly, though, if Light tried to talk to me again any time soon, I was going to punch his nonexistent dick off.

* * *

I arrived in Minsk three hours later and got a hotel room for the night. At 1055 the next morning, I caught a flight to Japan. It wasn't nonstop, so the flight took eighteen hours total. The whole time, I couldn't stop shaking. My heart raced, and I couldn't draw enough breaths. I guess the plane crash had ruined my impartiality to plane rides.

I wasn't really in the mood to deal with Light any time soon, but I had a feeling that I wasn't going to have a choice when I reached Japan. I strongly suspected that the Yagamis I was to be staying with were the very same Yagamis who were in _Death Note_. I suppose I could try to prevent Light from getting the Death Note, but I was also sure that the Light from limbo knew what I was planning and was already planning the best way to prevent me from succeeding.

In fact, I was sure that most of my time in Japan would be spent forcefully assisting Kira-Light through limbo-Light. And I wasn't exactly sure how to oppose limbo-Light, considering he'd displayed an ability to control my actions without having possessed me. I mean, limbo-Light, limbo-Misa and Beyond had all strongly implied that, should one of them possess me, I would have no real control over my own body's actions.

I guess I could look up everything on limiting mind control, but I could only think of two options: in _Doctor Who_, the Doctor had said that if Reinette pictured everything she didn't want him to see behind a closed door, he wouldn't be able to see it; and in _Harry Potter_, Occlumency had nearly the same approach. Basically I needed to erect mental barriers. I could even go _BBC Sherlock_ on this idea by imagining an entire mind palace. If I did that, I could add pitfalls and traps. It was the only option I could think of that had any possibility of helping.

Maybe I could even ask Beyond to help me... he had said that usually, only one of the three of them was with me at a time. The next time I got Beyond alone, I could practice on him. There was no way I could ask Light to do this for me, and Misa would just go around and tell Light if I tried it on her. I would have to be careful, though, to not hold up mental barriers on everything, though. I needed to choose things to keep outside of my mental walls, things that weren't condemning and didn't let on to my plans.

I didn't plan on specifically helping L and joining the fight against Kira. But I couldn't exactly let the future play out the way Light wanted it to; I had to change things. L needed to live. Justice needed to prevail. Good needed to be victorious.

And the way things were now, I was the ace in the fucking hole. Light thought I was on his side, and that was where he was wrong- I was going to play on the other team: one of my own creation.

I wasn't naïve enough to believe that I could actually redeem Light or some other such nonsense, and I wasn't naïve enough to believe that everything L had done was right– I mean, look at all of his human rights violations!

So I would play for myself and do what I thought was right; I would stop Light but not at every cost. I would rescue L, but I wasn't sure how well far I'd be willing to go. I'd be working in grey- not in the shadows, not in the light of day. I'd have to be meticulous; make sure that neither of them noticed me and did something until it was too late. I was the dark horse, and whilst both L and Light thought they represented different sides of the same coin, light and dark, good and bad, I would be the grey that bound them together. I would be like the side of the coin, neither heads nor tails, solely the metal that kept them apart, yet made them a part of the same object.

Making up my mind on what I'd do as the outsider looking in felt enlightening.

I mean, Light had said it himself: he and Beyond suspected that I was here solely to change the future of Kira. What if it was to make sure Kira didn't last as long? To make sure the L didn't die? I mean, why else was I here?

No, those were dangerous thoughts: I couldn't allow myself to think like that. It was close, far, far, too close to Light's ideology– that the Death Note had been put on Earth where he could see it because no one else could do what he was capable of. That sense of entitlement had led to his false beliefs in god-hood.

It could have been anyone who landed in the _Death Note_ universe. Anyone who had read the manga or watched the anime or both. I wasn't special, and it wouldn't do me any good to believe I was. The way I had got here was completely random, and that was that.

* * *

When I got to Japan, it was around 1100 and a day later, though it felt like much longer. In fact, it felt like I hadn't slept in ages, since it I hadn't been able to fall asleep on the aeroplane. It was almost nice that I didn't have to wait at the luggage terminal for my trunk. After all, every single one of my possessions had been lost in the plane crash. Luckily, the airline was going to pay for all of my lost items, and the things that I hadn't brought with me should be coming within the next week. I was sure that I could last that long without a change of clothes, especially since my translator at the police station in Minsk had managed to negotiate new clothes out of the officers for me.

I realised as soon as I got of the station that I had no idea where to go. I didn't know Tokyo at all and I had lost the information with the Yagami's address in the plane crash. The slip of paper had directions to the Yagami's house so that I could walk to it, and directions from the Yagami's to the cafe where I was to meet my translator tomorrow.

So why hadn't I thought to ask my brother to find out what it was again? Oh, right because Light had been controlling my mind!

"You'd be hopelessly lost without Misa-Misa, Light-kun and Beyond-san," came a grating, irritating voice from behind me. Amane Misa. "Misa will show you to Light-kun's house, so long as you promise to not make Light-kun love you. Ellery-san can have Ryuuzaki-san, but not Misa's Light-kun."

God, why had I not noticed earlier that her annoying habit of referring to herself in the third person had carried over into this conjoined universe?

Oh, right, because Light had been too busy manipulating me!

It seemed like everything bad that had happened to me since I'd started my journey to Japan could be attributed to Light. Why had I liked his character so much again? Well, because there was something about villains, and I found his batshite madness absolutely hilarious.

"Light-kun's not here," Misa told me in confusion.

Oh. She thought that when I said "God", I meant Light. What the hell was wrong with her again? Just how delusional was she?

"What does 'delusivenilly' mean?" Misa cocked her head to the side.

I barely refrained from screaming: '_Never mind, Misa. Can you just take me to Yagami-san's house?'_


	4. Chapter 4

Detrimental

Onesmartcookie78

**Summary**: Even psycho teenagers with god-complexes deserve somebody. Too bad for Yagami Light that I ruined everything. Light/OC. Includes Beyond Birthday and plenty of strawberry jam! Psychological-thriller piece with mentions of mental disease, romance, and murder.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own _Death Note_, only my OCs. All references to abridged _Death Note_ videos on YouTube is intentional, though they do not belong to me either.

* * *

"_And therefore think him as a serpent's egg/Which, hatch'd, would, as his kind, grow mischievous,/And kill him in the shell"_ (II.i.633-35).

– William Shakespeare, _The Tragedy of Julius Caesar_

* * *

Listening to Amane Misa talk made me want to kill myself. Her childish voice grated on my ears like an infant's cries. There was no way to hold a conversation with her either, since she talked over me whenever I so much as opened my mouth to yawn. And when I did get a chance to say something, it was like talking to a brick wall; she didn't pay attention, didn't understand when she bothered to, and was constantly asking me the definition of any word with more than two syllables. Seriously. It was almost _degrading_ to talk to her. It made me feel ashamed of all the stupid women out there.

"Light-kun said to take you to his house," Misa's prostitute-red lips were moving again, though at this point I was hardly paying attention. Who wanted to hear her wax poetic about _Light_ all day? I was already angry with him, and her broaching the subject of that psychopath was really, really irritating. "Are you paying attention to Misa, Ellery-san? Misa is taking you to _Light's_."

Oh, God, was she really trying to dumb this down for _me_? She was the one incapable of–

"Ellery-san, I don't know why you keep asking for God. Light's not here." Misa frowned.

Was she joking? Were she and Light both kidding me? All the allusions to Light being God... were they just pulling my leg? Or did they actually believe that? Actually, that was a stupid question. _Of course_ they believed it. They were both Kira. They believed that the ends justified the means. They believed that the end result was more important than how they arrived there. And with the power the Death Note gave them, they believed themselves deities above the general populace.

But neither of them took into consideration the fact that absolute power corrupts absolutely, which was why they would lose.

"Light-kun said that that's the reason you're here," Misa interrupted my thoughts. "To make sure that we don't lose. Ellery-san's going to help God, right?"

I thought Mikami was the only main character who actively referred to Light as "God". I was confused. Had this limbo-version of Misa become so truly desperate to succeed that she had put Light up on an even _higher pedestal_ in order to fulfill her need for reassurance? Had she gone mad?

"Misa's not angry." Misa's eyebrows furrowed. "Misa-Misa doesn't understand."

"Hush, Misa-san, I know you don't," I snapped. Being condescending was probably not a good thing (she would run off and tell Light, I was sure) but I was just _done_ with her idiocy. "When are we going to get there?"

Misa stared at me. Then her bright green eyes narrowed. Her hooker lips pouted out and she said, "Light-kun will always like Misa-Misa better, Ellery-san. Ellery-san had better not try to steal Light-kun from Misa. Misa is prettier anyway." She was huffing. Like the goddamned wolf that blew the house down.

"You know what, Misa-san?!" I shouted, receiving looks from the passerby who undoubtedly saw a madwoman talking to someone who wasn't there. I lowered my voice. "You know what? I don't want Yagami-san, Misa-san! I really, really don't! In fact, I kind of hate your 'God'," I spat the word in disgust.

God. That term implied a degree of benevolence, omnipotence and omniscience. How could Light claim to be a God when he was killing people? A true God did not kill people, or perhaps that was just me looking at it too analytically. I'd never really believed in a God to begin with, so how could I worship Kira, who I knew to be only human and who I thought to be a psychopath?

"How could you, Ellery-san!" Misa retorted. Not that she knew what that word meant. "Light-kun said that you were here to help Kira, but Ellery-san doesn't even support her God!"

Not wanting to look like a psycho, I took to yelling at her inside my head, '_Haven't I covered this in my thoughts? I don't worship psychopathic serial killers, and I don't think other people should, either. It's as weird as scientology.'_

Misa's clown lips pursed in distaste. "We're here," she informed me stiltedly.

I had been so consumed in my thoughts and Misa's annoying habit of disturbing them that I hadn't noticed Misa leading me to a residential area.

She gestured to the house in front of us. "That's it. Light-kun wanted Misa to tell Ellery-san: 'don't reveal any future occurrencies' and to 'not act like a schitzzyophrennyic'."

I wanted to facepalm. Or cry. Or laugh. "Are you sure that's _exactly_ what Light said, Misa-san?"

Misa nodded eagerly. "Yes. Misa-Misa always listens to every word Light-kun says, always."

Did she even realise that she had relayed to me words that didn't exist? No, she didn't, because she probably didn't even know what "relayed" meant– the same way she didn't know what "occurrences" and "schizophrenic" meant, going by the way she had completely butchered the words.

I was so done with Amane Misa.

"Great, Misa-san. Now will you please go away? I'll give you a cookie if you do."

Misa sniffed, but vanished.

* * *

The door to the Yagami household suddenly seemed ridiculously imposing. It certainly hadn't looked so in the manga or in the anime. It had looked like an ordinary house, something that wouldn't have seemed out of place, even in England. I sighed, but brought my hand up to rap on the door.

Despite my anxiety, Yagami Sachiko opening the door was incredibly anticlimactic.

"Hello, I'm Lawrence Ellery," I introduced myself in Japanese, bowing. "I'm in your hands, please take care of me."

The older woman was in complete shock, but managed to bow back. "Yagami Sachiko, welcome. What happened, Lawrence-san? You were supposed to arrive last night." Sachiko gestured me into her house, at which point I took my shoes off. I could feel her gaze on me, noticing the way I held my ribs as I bent down and probably putting two and two together, considering I had a cast on my left arm.

I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly. "'Ellery-chan' is fine, Yagami-san." I wanted to avoid the questions. By this time, I was kind of sick of talking, and I definitely wasn't looking forward to introducing myself to Light, even if it was the first time for him.

"Well then, Ellery-chan," Sachiko said smartly, crossing her arms and fixing her dark brown eyes on my cast. Was everyone in the Yagami family freakishly intelligent, or was it just me? "What happened to make you so late?"

"Kind of a long story, Yagami-san..." I stalled again. Thank goodness I wasn't going to have to see Light for a while. He and Sayu should be in school right about now. "My aeroplane kind of... crashed," I said meekly, avoiding her x-ray vision.

Her eyes softened. "You poor child!" she gushed, walking into their kitchen. "Where, when, why, how?!"

"It's kind of a long story," I told her, taking a seat at the kitchen table. Sachiko offered me a glass of water which I gladly took. "I feel asleep on the plane–"

* * *

"-and that's how I wound up here," I finished, "without my luggage."

Sachiko looked appalled. "If I were you, Ellery-chan, I would've gone back home. It seems like all the forces in the universe were trying to keep you away from here." She poured me another glass of hot tea.

I thought of Light and how he'd manipulated my mind until I had found myself using my brother's decisions to force him into allowing me to continue on to Japan. It was quite the opposite, really... "Regardless, Yagami-san–"

"Oh, please, call me Sachiko," she offered warmly, putting her hand over mine on the table. She was such a motherly figure. I'd never had one of those before...

"Well, Sachiko-san, I'm here now and I'm ready to do my best to succeed," I told her firmly. "All of my things should come soon from England. My brother said he was sending them when I talked to him last. Speaking of Kyle, I should probably try to email him or something. Do you have a computer that I could use to send a message?"

"Absolutely," Sachiko said sympathetically, leaving and returning with a laptop. "All the keys have Japanese characters on them. You seem to be alright in speaking Japanese, but can you read it fluently?" She logged into the computer, already opening up the Internet.

I glanced a peek at the time and date listed in the right hand corner. It was July 24, 2003. I had actually gone back in time. It was no longer 2014. I should be six years old right now. My parents would still be alive... I had to wonder if they existed in this weird universe.

"No," I admitted. "I can't read Japanese. Do you think you could type it for me if I told you what to say? Kyle knows to expect an email in Japanese and is able to find someone to translate it." Got to remember, if it was 2003, Google Translate didn't exist yet. I wondered if Kyle would recognise that there was something wrong. I wondered if he would find it strange that it was 2003?

"Of course," Sachiko put her hand on my shoulder briefly. I felt warm inside."What did you want to say, dear?"

"Just that–" I swallowed. What _did_ I want to say? There was so much, too much, to talk about, and most of it couldn't be discussed via email. "I want to apologise. Please write: 'I'm sorry for what I said, Kyle. I hope that you will forgive me. I know I already apologised, but the words I used were unforgivable, and I wish they'd never come out of my mouth.'" Right. Because Light had forced them out of their darkened corner in my mind. Fucking arse. "And then tell him that I already miss him and can't wait until he arrives in Japan."

Sachiko's fingers flew across the keys as she wrote my words. "Is that it, Ellery-chan?"

I felt my fingers cross. _No_. "Yes. Thank you, Sachiko-san. Sachiko-san's already done so much for me without asking for anything in return," I bowed to her respectfully. "If it's no trouble, I'd like to go to sleep now. I've had a rather long journey."

Sachiko blushed, embarrassed. It seemed that she had forgotten that I was running on empty right now. "I'll show you to your room, Ellery-chan."

Sachiko lead me up the stairs, stopping once we'd reached the second level to point out each room. "The door to your right is Light's room. The door on the left is the bathroom. Your room is next to Light's and Sayu's room is across from yours. My room is all the way down the hall."

Well, that would explain her ignorance to her son's extracurricular activities. It's pretty hard to miss psychotic laughter, after all, and I had a feeling that the walls were pretty thin.

I bowed to her again. "Thank, Sachiko-san. You've been so helpful. Please wake me up before your children get home so that I can meet them."

Sachiko agreed and left me to my own devices.

I let out a breath of relief as I closed the door. My hands were shaking. Too much had happened today. I was really tired, but I didn't know if I should actually try to sleep; I had a feeling that Light would positively haunt my dreams, turning them easily into nightmares if I did.

Plus, I really wanted to get started on building a memory palace to keep my private plans hidden. It wouldn't do for Light to figure out what I was up to before I was even sure of it myself.

Ah, Light. I believe I mentioned recently how much I want to kill that bastard. He had taken control of me. He was trying to manipulate me into doing his bidding because he saw my arrival as a gift from whichever twisted god he worshipped. He thought I was the queen in his chess game.

Little did he know that I wasn't even involved in his game: I was playing on a board parallel to him, and I would only intersect the two games when it suited me.

Good luck trying to best someone you don't know is even a part of the game, Light.

"But I do know that you're trying to outsmart me, Ellery," a voice came from behind me. Light. I tried not to scream.

"Wear a fucking bell, would you," I gasped, putting my hand over my racing heart. "Goddamn it, Yagami-san, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

"That wouldn't happen to someone your age unless I wanted it to," Light dismissed my fear easily. Ah. I had kind of walked into that one... "Back to the topic at hand, Ellery. Did you really think I didn't know what you were planning?"

"Yes," I answered bluntly. "I kind of thought you would ignore me."

"How could I ignore you?" Light questioned, eyebrow raised. "You are, how did you put it? My gift from whichever demented god I worship? Wouldn't it be rude to ignore a gift divinely given? I'm not an ungrateful man, Ellery."

"You're right," I told him casually, sitting down on the freshly-made bed and facing him. "You'd have to been a _man_ before you could be ungrateful, Yagami-_sama_," I said sarcastically.

I watched as Light's hands fisted, then relaxed. His soft brown hair fell in front of his eyes, obscuring them as he began to laugh. "No, you are right, Ellery. I'm not a man. I'm a god."

I snorted. "No, what you are is delusional," I flopped down, nestling my head into the pillow. I closed my eyes. So very tired... "Now leave me alone, Yagami-san."

I felt his breath on my face as he leered over me. "Like I said, Ellery, I can't do that. Who's to say you won't try to kill me when you first meet me in order to stop the whole problem of Kira at the source?"

"Hmm," I smiled, drifting off. "That's a nice idea, Light. Got that out of Shakespeare, did you?_ 'And therefore think him as a serpent's egg/Which hatched, would as kind grows mischievous,/And kill him in the shell'_. That's said by Brutus, an _honorable_ man, when he is justifying to himself the reasons why the aristocrats must kill Julius Caesar. Happens in act two, scene one, lines six hundred thirty-three to six hundred thirty-five. I like Shakespeare, Yagami-san."

"Then it wouldn't be too far off to assume that you'd base a plan off _The Tragedy of Julius Caesar_, now would it?" Light asked. I felt his weight settle at the foot of the bed as he sat down on the edge. "You forget that I know you, Ellery. Beyond, Misa and I move between points on your timeline... I already know you, but you hardly know me."

"Not in the mood for a speech, Yagami-san," I said sleepily, throwing my right arm over my eyes. "Go away or stay, your choice, but be quiet."

There was silence, other than the sound of my heartbeat in my ears, my steadily slowing breathing and Light's own methodical respiration. Then, quietly, so much so that I was uncertain of if I was hearing right: "Call me Light."

* * *

I woke up to the sound of Beyond sticking a jam-coated finger in his mouth. "Knight to E-5," he said around the digit. A giant, _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_-esque chessboard was in front of me. Beyond was losing against whoever he was playing; he stood to my left with all the white pieces. All of them looked like normal pieces, except one Mello-shaped knight, a crouching Near-rook, a Raye Penber-knight, a Naomi Misora-rook, an Anthony Rester-bishop, a Stephen Gevanni-rook, a Lind L. Tailor-pawn, an Ukita-pawn, an Aiber-pawn, a Wedy-pawn, a Halle Lidner-pawn and a Watari-bishop.

To my right was Light, Ryuuk watching by his side. Light's side had significantly more pieces, which were located on far more lucrative spaces. All of his pieces were humans, too; Light himself had taken the place of the king; Misa was a bishop; Takada a rook; Mikami a knight. All the members of the task force were there, too. Matsuda was a knight; Soichiro was the second rook; Demegawa was a bishop; Aizawa was a pawn; Mogi was a pawn; Higuchi was a pawn; even _Rem_ was a pawn. Jack Neylon (that guy who was part of the mafia and unwittingly revealed the location of Mello's base to Light), the bus jacker (Kiichiro Osoreda), Sayu and Sachiko made up the last of the pawns.

In fact, the only human piece that Light was missing was a queen.

At that point, I remembered something Light had said to me: '"**Queens are the most mobile pieces, and since I can get inside your head, you are certainly the most valuable and manipulatable."'**

My stomach twisted as bile crawled up my throat. I felt sick, nauseous in the face of Light's complete psychopathy. This was undoubtedly how he viewed the world; a series of chess pieces that were either with him or against him, and that was that.

I looked back to Beyond, unsure of why he was playing against Light. As far as I knew, Beyond could be counted on the side of Kira, since he was on whatever side opposed L. Then again, Beyond was no longer eating jam. Was it possible...?

"Ellery!" Light shouted from the board, "Come take the place of the queen. We've been waiting for you!"

Unwillingly, my feet began to drag me to his side. But I didn't want to join Light! I didn't even believe in his cause!

"Lawrence-san," Beyond said, "be the queen on my board instead. Choose good."

...Beyond? What was with the honorific? Unless...?

"L?" I asked. My feet instantly stopped moving and I caught a glimpse of the fury on Light's face before I freely turned around and started walking to Beyond. "L is that you?"

"Yes," L said, raising from his crouched position to stand hunched over. "I am L."

I threw my arms around him, sobbing in relief, uncaring that L was uncomfortable and Light was drilling holes into my back.

"I thought you said she was on our side, God?" Mikami questioned from his place on the board.

"She _is_," came Light's voice, even more forceful than before. "Ellery, get over here right now, or I will not hesitate to kill your brother."

My hysterics suddenly stopped. I turned to face Light, unable to look away. His amber eyes were on fire, his mouth drawn into a thin, cruel line. His hair covered his eyes, but they were letting out an unearthly red glow in turn. "My... brother?" I asked weakly.

A demented smirk crept along his mouth, "Yes. Kyle Lawrence, wasn't it? I'll kill him," he fiddled with his watch for a few seconds, producing a piece of Death Note paper and then pulling a pen out of the pocket inside his suit jacket. "Get over here, Ellery. Don't test me," he warned, bringing the tip of his pen to the paper.

I spun back to L, my eyes alight with horror.

"Go," L said. "If you're a weak child, Lawrence-san, go. We don't need insincere people on our side."

I bit my lip, stray tears falling from my eyes.

'_What should I do?'_

'**You know the decision you need to make, Ellery,'** Light's voice disrupted my thoughts. Then, out loud: "Ellery, your God grows impatient. Come immediately, or I shall kill Kyle. Do not make the mistake of testing me, or you will lose everything."

"He's right, L," I whispered, "Kyle's the only family I have left. If I lose him, I will have lost everything." I felt my feet taking me to Light again, but gave up resisting.

Light's smirk said it all; by having me on his side, he had won, and he wasn't afraid to say as much. "Watch out, L; you're about to lose."

I passed the faces of anyone Light had ever manipulated to do his bidding. Takada was dressed in only a sheet, like she had been before Light had killed her. Misa was done up like a fragile china doll and looked like she was about to break at any second. Mikami had on handcuffs and looked like nothing more than a snivelling child who had just been told that he was allowed no ice cream. Most of Light's pieces, in fact, looked unhappy to be there. None of them looked as though they agreed with his ideology, more like they had been blackmailed like me.

"He's my son," Soichiro was muttering, "my son isn't Kira. He can't be."

"Ryuuzaki-san is the one in the wrong." All of the task force members were mumbling some variation of this phrase. "Light can't be Kira, he's helping us catch him."

Demegawa was delusionally praising his god, while Rem talked about how she was only doing this for Misa.

If I had felt sick to my stomach before, seeing all of them suffering made me feel worse.

The only one excited to be here was Light, whose eyes were shining so brightly, it was hard to look at him. Every other feature he possessed was dark as charcoal, lending him a cloud of shadow from which he could scheme at his leisure. There was a black aura of power emanating from him, and for the first time, I understood the comparison to God.

When I reached his side, I could see that this was the crazed Light who had gone into the Yellow Box warehouse. He was older than me by five years, his hair long, face lined with grim satisfaction. He was holding his chest in pain. Being shot five times would do that to you.

"I hate you," I told him clearly, sneering as I stepped onto my respective square. The giant queen piece instantly vanished.

"No, you don't," Light snickered, and surprised me by kissing me full on the mouth.

I shoved him away, completely disgusted. Misa and Takada were shooting daggers at me.

Light let loose that special, special laughter of his. "I've won."


	5. Chapter 5

Detrimental 5

Onesmartcookie78

**Summary**: Even psycho teenagers with god-complexes deserve somebody. Too bad for Yagami Light that I ruined everything. Light/OC. Includes Beyond Birthday and plenty of strawberry jam! Psychological-thriller piece with mentions of mental disease, romance, and murder.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own _Death Note_, only my OCs. All references to abridged _Death Note_ videos on YouTube is intentional, though they do not belong to me either.

**A/N**: Hooray for early updates? I'm thinking about starting to update my stories based on demand, which would mean that this story would be updated last out of my on-going works... It'll depend on reviews, so think of this as a trial test :)

* * *

"_The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins/Remorse from power"_ (II.i.619-20).

– William Shakespeare's _The Tragedy of Julius Caesar_

* * *

"Ellery," Light's voice in my ear, somehow gentle. Falsely so. He was a liar. He was turning on the charm to put himself in my favor. "Ellery, wake up." I thrashed violently, my back arching off the bed and my legs flailing, still caught up in the dream. "Ellery. My mother will be here in a few minutes to wake you up. Do you want her to see you so tormented?"

I lashed out with my fist, connecting easily with his jaw. Lying bastard. He was willing to take _Kyle_ from me, the same way he'd been willing to make me hurt Kyle in Mazyr. I refused to look at his face. I couldn't. It was ugly. The face of a monster. The face of a killer.

"Gah!" Light exclaimed, reeling back. He recovered almost immediately, his hands finding my wrists to hold me down. I was delirious. Considering the way my arms were pinned, I kicked at him instead. Light let out a long-suffering sigh, and seconds later, I felt him straddling me. I struggled harder, but was unable to move.

"Get off me, you son of a bitch!" I whisper shouted, not wanting Sachiko to hear. For all of her ignorance involving Light, I had a feeling that the same luck he had would not apply to me. "You- you!" I was crying again.

"Ellery, open your eyes," Light commanded.

I wasn't about to listen to him. The last time he had told me to do something, he had threatened to kill my brother if I didn't follow through. Or was that a dream? I was unsure. It seemed like something he would do.

"Ellery," Light snapped harshly, "now." The 'or else' was implied.

I didn't say anything, but did as I was bidden. Light's face was right over mine, marred with concern that seemed apocryphal. I could feel his hands loosening their grip on me, and his hair brushing my cheekbones as he bent closer.

"You are an awful person, Yagami Light," I told him as I stared, mesmerised, at the smug look on his face.

"It wasn't a prophetic dream, if that's what you think," he said dryly, pushing his hair back as he got off me. "I don't think of you as a chess piece."

I giggled hysterically. "Yes, you do! You said as much!"

Light, in turn, laughed. "Let's talk about what's really bothering you, Ellery. You're positively _horrified_ by the prospect that you could ever find me attractive. But your subconscious showed you how you truly feel–"

"That is _not_ true!" I denied vehemently. "That was my subconsciousness showing me my worst fears! I was disgusted when you kissed me! I didn't ask for it. It was completely uncalled for, totally unwarranted. The only thing I felt was your vile mouth on mine for no reason whatsoever."

"Your eyes say 'no', but your body definitely said 'yes'," Light said snarkily. "Admit it, Ellery, you–"

He was thankfully cut off by his mother opening the door. "Ellery-chan, it's time to wake up. I've prepared the bath water for you, if you'd like to take the first bath."

"Hn?" I said, confused. I looked between Light and Sachiko for a few moments, having forgotten that she couldn't see him. "Ano... yeah. I mean, yes, Sachiko-san, thank you."

She left and I glanced toward Light. He was wearing a perpetual smirk, eyes bright with amusement. I sighed. "You had better not follow me into the loo."

* * *

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Yagami Light? I believe I have. Well, it's about to get that much, much worse.

I took the customary shower before getting into the bath to soak. I could feel my muscles loosening in the hot water, but the tranquillity gave rise to my thoughts about Light. Why was he such a fucking bastard? And why the hell was he _teasing_ me about my dream in which I had the misfortune of kissing him? It wasn't funny, it was terrifying!

And then he had the gall to say that he didn't think of me as a chess piece. Such lies were unbecoming of such an attractive psychopath.

Hah! Take that, Light! I have no problem admitting that I find you appealing! However, I also find you to be a total prick, completely off your rocker, and a hypocritical liar. In fact, I really, really, _really _hate you, Light! I hope you're listening to my thoughts now, you little bitch.

Guess who chose that moment to open the door?

His eyes were innocent; wide, brown, doe-like. To be frank, he looked totally, completely adorable. I wanted to hug him. Except that he had just walked in on me. Naked. Taking a bath.

I screamed, covering my body with my arms and sinking down. I screamed like I was being watched by a pervert, which I was kind of wondering if Light was, considering how he just stood there like a deer in the headlights. Light's mouth dropped open, his eyes widening further. Quickly, he slammed the door shut. I hurriedly got out of the water and dressed. I could hear Sachiko screaming at Light for perving on the poor foreign exchange student who had experienced too much in the last few days.

For some reason, even though Light had accidentally walked in on _me_ and not someone else, I found the whole situation hilarious. I shoved my fist in my mouth, biting down to keep from laughing too loudly. I had no doubt that if the Light I had gotten to know in the past few days had been placed in the same situation, he would have stood calmly in the doorway, relishing in my discomfort.

By the time I had made my way downstairs, the extent of what had just happened had finally sunk in. My cheeks were, undoubtedly, an embarrassed shade of tomato. In fact, the whole time Sachiko was making introductions, Light avoided my gaze. For the first few minutes, I kept my eyes away from him, too, but as soon as I realised that Light was much more abashed then me, I stared intently at him, hoping to make him feel even worse.

"This is Lawrence Ellery. She's a foreign exchange student from England," Sachiko was saying. Quite frankly, I was distracted by Light's hair. Ever since I'd started looking at his face, I had begun to notice that it _did_ look remarkably like Zac Efron's, especially considering the fact that everything in this world looked so _real_ and not at all like anime. Not that _Death Note_ anime was unrealistic. In fact, it was the opposite. Whatever.

"–Light and Sayu," Sachiko finished. She smiled at me. "I would introduce you to my husband, but he works with the police and may not be home for a while. They just started this case a few days ago."

"That's really interesting," I told her sincerely. Chief Yagami was one of my favourite characters. I greatly admired him and his strong sense of justice. I felt so, so terrible that Light was Kira, and that Soichiro had died not knowing the truth. That was just awful. No one deserved to be lied to like that.

"So how old are you, Ellery-sempai?" Sayu asked me, her eyes wide and child-like. She was grinning slightly, naively, like someone had just told her a great joke.

"I'm seventeen," I answered. "How old are you, Sayu-chan?" I was actually unsure. I had no idea what age she was supposed to be. Twelve, maybe?

"Thirteen," Sayu told me, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Does this mean you'll be in Light's class?"

"No, I'm actually going to be starting my first year of university," I said, rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly.

Sayu frowned. "But second term is going to start soon. How does that work, Ellery-sempai?"

"I'll be doing all of the coursework for the first semester during the break between now and the second semester. School runs differently in England; I just finished Upper-Sixth Form, and would have been having my first semester of university in September, when you lot have your second term," I informed her.

"What are you studying?" Light spoke up for the first time.

"I'm majoring in psychology and criminology," I said eagerly. "I'm taking a lot of science related courses, too. I want to be a criminal profiler."

"Any particular agency?" Light asked with the same enthusiasm. He was so interested in crime. It was a bit... cute, to be honest. "I mean, you could work with MI5, MI6, or Interpol, right?"

"Well, my brother works for MI6," I said, brushing hair out of my eyes. Sachiko gestured for Light, Sayu and I to sit down at the table as she sat the last of the food out. "He actually just got a job with Interpol in Japan, so he'll be arriving here soon." Why did Light decide to sit next to me? I was kind of creeped out. "He pulled some strings for me, so I'll have an internship with Interpol through some of university."

"That's really interesting," Light commented. "I'd like to study criminology myself and be a detective like my father."

"Ie, Light, that's really dangerous," Sayu said, mouth full of food. Sachiko made a face at Sayu, telling her with her eyes to stop being rude. "I'm worried enough about oto-san," she continued, ignoring her mum.

"Relax, Sayu," Light reassured her with a wry grin, "dad hasn't been hurt yet, and I won't be either."

"Ie, but there have been some close calls," Sayu said thoughtfully. "Are you sure that you want to live that dangerously, Light?"

I glanced back to Light, putting some rice in my mouth.

Light's face took on an annoyed expression. "Yes, Sayu. I've proved that I can help the NPA before, even though I'm young. I'm certain that, after going to university, I'll be even more of an asset."

"That's true," Sayu agreed, her eyes lighting up. "Light is really helpful, Ellery-sempai! He's helped oto-san solve a few really difficult cases when the police have been stuck."

"Ah, so he's like Sherlock Holmes," I said in amusement. "He helps the police whenever they're out of their depth, which is most of the time."

"Who's Sherlock Holmes?" Sayu asked curiously.

"He's a fictional detective from England who helps Scotland Yard solve crimes," Light supplied. "I have to admit, though; I'm not really a big fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow. How could Light want to be a detective, yet not find the most famous pieces of murder mystery literature interesting? I could argue the matter all day long. "How about Agatha Christie?"

Light shook his head.

"Really? She's the most prolific– gah, nevermind. The Hardy Boys?" Another head shake. "Nancy Drew?" No. "Case Closed?" Negative. "_Angels & Demons_, it's sequel, _The Da Vinci Code_?" Nope. "Light!" I exclaimed, smacking him on the arm. "Please, _please_ tell me you've read _Red Dragon_, _The Silence of the Lambs_, _Hannibal_ and _Hannibal Rising_." Slowly, Light's head moved back and forth again. I sighed. "Last chance. Edgar Allen Poe invented the murder-mystery-detective genre. Have you read any of his stories? _The Purloined Letter_, or _The Murders in the Rue Morgue_, perhaps?"

Uneducated swine. "Light, you are going to read all of these books, and you are going to find out who the killer was within the first hundred pages, and you are going to finish them anyway, just like me. And then I'm going to make you watch the Hannibal movies." I took a deep breath, ducking my head after my outburst sheepishly. "So what detective novels have you read?"

"I don't read them," Light said, staring at me in wonder. "I just solve any cases that my father needs help with."

"So it comes naturally, then?" I asked. Great, now I was the one in awe. Here I had been, thinking that Light had read a lot of mystery novels, and that was how he'd been able to accurately plan everything out. But this… this was just sheer brilliance. "Have you read any behavioral analysis psychology books, then?"

I should have known that textbooks would've been more down his aisle. "Actually, yes. I find Freud to be completely fascinating."

"Ego, id and superego, then?" I questioned. "Which one do you think you display more of?"

"I'd say I have an overactive superego," Light commented, "but then the same could be said about most involved in the justice system."

"But everyone's superego is different; it all depends on how one is raised," I said, putting my chopsticks down and turning to look Light in the eyes. "If, say, I was raised by a serial killer, my ideas of morality would be completely different from yours. I could still have an overactive superego, but since I was raised by a serial killer, my ideas of morality may include, oh, I don't know... killing all criminals other than myself to eliminate competition."

"Killing is morally wrong no matter how you look at it," Light replied. _Oh, the irony._ "I understand that, in that case, your superego would have developed differently, but your ego should have cancelled that out, to some extent. Since the ego is the part of the brain that computes what others believe to be acceptable, you would have realised -at least subconsciously- that what you were doing was wrong."

"That's not necessarily true," I argued. "I said I had an overactive superego, which means that my superego would override my ego. And since the ego develops based on me learning what is socially acceptable, wouldn't I just be seeing what others think? If I were smart enough, I could use what others saw as socially acceptable to influence my actions in public, allowing me to appear normal by taking the knowledge my ego provided me and using it to fuel my superego in private. In other words, I'd be a psychopath."

Light frowned. "I suppose that's true, but I'll never understand why people kill other people."

"It's as simple as evolutionary biology, according to some. The theory is that–"

"We kill because our ancestors kill," interrupted Light, "I know. That's just an excuse. It oversimplifies human behaviour as a whole."

"There's the nature versus nurture aspect, too," I continued. "I mean, think about it. I was raised by someone who kills. Someone who kills was my parent. My psychosis is either genetics or a byproduct of the environment in which I was raised, but likely both. However, the romantic idea that all humans are born clean slates could be applied, meaning my psychosis developed based on how I was raised. Sociopathy and psychopathy are usually learnt traits–"

"Right, meaning that you picked them up as a result of your upbringing, most likely due to a traumatic experience," Light cut me off again.

"Exactly. But sociopathy and psychopathy can be developed outside of one's childhood as well. Theoretically, even someone like you, Light, with your highly active, morally straight, superego could learn psychopathy as a result of something that happens to you."

Was I being too obvious? I mean, it had started out as a debate in psychology, but had I over-implicated Light? Not that he would know what I was talking about just yet, but still... I had a feeling I was going to hear it from limbo-Light later.

"I guess so," remarked Light, grinning. It almost hurt to see him happy like this, his face so clear of that darkness. "You have some very interesting opinions, Lawrence-san."

"Oh, no, please call me 'Ellery'." I was very strongly reminded of limbo-Light telling me to call him by his first name. I had been drifting off, but I was fairly sure that I had heard him correctly, and he'd actually sounded a bit hurt that I hadn't been doing so to begin with. By calling me solely 'Ellery', he'd implied that it was alright if I addressed him similarly. I shook the thoughts out of my head. Limbo-Light was a bit of a sore topic.

"Alright then, Ellery-san," Light smiled. "I really enjoyed discussing this with you. Want to have a conversation again when I've brushed up on my psychology?"

"Absolutely, Light-kun," I grinned in return. "Sorry I went a bit hard on you. I wanted to test the extent of your knowledge on the subject. It was a bit of a psychological experiment inside itself," I admitted.

"You two should be a couple," Sayu said bluntly, glancing back and forth between the two of us.

Light choked on his mouthful of fish. I laughed.

"Sayu!" Sachiko exclaimed. "That's incredibly rude!"

"He's already seen me naked," I teased, "but as tempting as that is, no. Never. Sorry, Light-kun, but I don't think I could date a bloke younger than me."

'_Take that bitch. Apply cool water to area of burn.'_

Light's face turned red. "I wasn't– I didn't mean to– !"

"Chotto, Sayu-chan, Light-kun never even apologised," I joked.

"Yes, I–"

Sayu made a face, "Hey, Ellery-sempai is right, Light! You didn't!"

"In that case, I am so, so sorry," Light said sincerely.

I wish I had a tape recorder to make recordings of the number of times Light apologised to me throughout the rest of the evening. Yagami Light. Apologising. It was brilliant.

* * *

When I entered my room later that evening, exhausted despite my brief nap, limbo-Light was waiting for me. I really didn't feel like dealing with him, but I suppose I had to. He had said that he wasn't going to leave me alone until he made sure I wasn't going to kill the real him the first time I saw him. I assumed that meant he had heard the whole of my conversation with Light-kun...

I take that back. I did want to see limbo-Light. I was interested in what he had to say about our psychology debate, as well as my digs on what he would be like in the future.

"I'd rather talk about how rude you were to me when Sayu told us we should date," came Light's voice from behind me. "You would never date me, huh? I'm actually a bit insulted."

'_The one thing I didn't want to talk about, Yagami-san, and you manage to bring it up,'_ I groaned mentally.

"So you'll call him 'Light-kun' but will only refer to me as 'Yagami-san'?" Light wondered, amused. "I told you that you were afraid of the idea of a relationship with me. I scare you. He doesn't. He hasn't had the Death Note."

Was it just me, or did Light sound a bit... _jealous_ of the younger version of himself?

"I'm not jealous," Light snarled, turning away from me to face the window. "I just don't understand why you're treating me so differently. I'm still that version of myself."

"No," I disagreed, snorting. "No you are not. You're Kira. You're completely different. That young man down there has yet to be exposed to the horrors that the Death Note brings. You know them intimately. You _revel_ in them, Yagami-san. Light-kun is completely innocent to them. He is naive and childish as a result, but isn't corrupted."

"I suppose so. The only way I could be him again would be if I forfeited the Death Note, huh?" he wondered, crossing his arms. "But I'm not far off, now, Ellery. I'm much closer to that man after death. I think after a while, I could become like him again."

I snickered. "Are you really trying this bullshite on me, Yagami-san?"

Light whirled around, concealed in shadows that hid his eyes from view. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but I didn't think I would enjoy the answer to that question anyway. "That depends, Ellery," he started, taking a step towards me. I instantly began retreating, but Light took the opportunity to back me into a corner. "Is is working?" he breathed.

I swallowed. "No. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, Yagami-san. You can never go back to being him. You will _never_ be that good of a man again. Sure, you're a great man now, but you will never be _good _again. You will never be Light. Not truly. You will be Kira. You will _always_ be Kira."

"So perceptive," Light mused, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Ellery, you are something different. And I'm not sure if I would like to kill you for that or not. If you were a gift sent from God, then God has a sense of humour."

"Fuck you, Yagami-san," I spat, pushing him away. I sat on my bed and watched as he made himself comfortable leaning against the wall, shrouded in blackness.

"I believe you wanted to know my opinions on your psychology debate," Light stated. "And to be honest, I didn't give it much thought when I was listening. I guess I'd disagree with you on the matter of psychopaths and sociopaths. I'm not really either of those. To say that would imply that I feel nothing when I kill someone. If I were either, I may know the definitions of wrong and right, but I wouldn't care to make the distinction.

"In that case, you'd be very wrong. In fact, I say the opposite. Perhaps I care _too_ much about right and wrong. I guess that would make my killings as Kira acts of passion."

Was he serious? "No. No. No. That's not true. What you did was genocide– will _be_ genocide. Genocide is defined by environmental hardship and psychological coping as a result. In your case, you saw all the crime in the world and were appalled. You looked at the world as disgusting, rotting. To cope, you told yourself that it was the fault of the criminals. Ergo, you had a scapegoat, which you killed to cope with the fact that there were so many bad people.

"But you know, oh you know, that most criminals resort to a life a crime because they are uneducated and know nothing else. You know that if we were to give people a better education, there would be fewer criminals. At the time, you didn't think about it, but don't deny that you know this. What was essentially genocide is unnecessary; you could have used means other than murder to get what you wanted.

"So when it comes down to it, Yagami-san, yes, you are a psychopath. You gave no thought to the people you killed. It was all for the greater good, and the greatest good you knew -justice- became meaningless in the face of your crimes. Because Kira is the biggest criminal of them all."


	6. Chapter 6

Detrimental 6

Onesmartcookie78

**Summary**: Even psycho teenagers with god-complexes deserve somebody. Too bad for Yagami Light that I ruined everything. Light/OC. Includes Beyond Birthday and plenty of strawberry jam! Psychological-thriller piece with mentions of mental disease, romance, and murder.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own _Death Note_, only my OCs. All references to abridged _Death Note_ videos on YouTube is intentional, though they do not belong to me either.

**A/N**: Warning! Mentions of sex.

_**WE HAVE REACHED CANON!**_

* * *

"_Why, man, he doth bestride the narrow world/Like a Colossus, and we petty men/Walk under his huge legs and peep about/To find ourselves dishonourable graves./Men at some time are masters of their fates:/The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,/But in ourselves, that we are underlings"_ ( .226-32).

– William Shakespeare's _The Tragedy of Julius Caesar_

* * *

My belongings arrived within the week, as I'd expected. During that time, limbo-Light had steadfastly refused to leave me alone. I think he was worried that Beyond would show up next and I'd learn to block my mind from his. In that case, considering Light jumped throughout my timeline, I suppose that I could assume that I succeeded. Light couldn't always be here to block me.

Real Light (Light-kun) had shown me around Japan during this time, taking it upon himself to show me the fastest route to To-Oh (of course) the university I was to be going to. We had a few more debates on psychology, but when we went out one day, I dragged him to a bookstore to get him some of the books I'd recommended. He had taken an instant liking to Dan Brown.

After I'd gotten my textbooks, Light had taken me to see my translator. My translator was a nice young woman who cleared me on my verbal skills, but ruled that my writing was positively abysmal. Light offered to help me at that point, but my translator asserted that there wouldn't be enough time to teach me everything. She recommended that I talk to admissions about having her translate my essays into Japanese.

I also received an email back from Kyle, basically telling me that he would be arriving around December and that he missed me too. My heart almost stopped when I read that; Kyle would be working for Interpol Japan. Interpol Japan was the NCB (National Central Bureau), which was part of the Organised Crime Department of the NPA's Crime Investigative Bureau. Kyle would be working on the Kira case.

Surprisingly, with my luggage had come my _Death Note _manga. At first, I was unsure of what to do with it. It would be wise to keep it around, so that I could consult it for dates. However, there was the chance of Light finding it, which was something to be avoided at all costs. I thought about burning it, but decided to use what Kyle had taught me about mechanics and what I had learned in all of my science classes over the years to assist me.

I constructed a sort of burn bag; except, instead of being a bag, it was more like a chamber. The device was designed to incinerate its contents (the manga) when I either turned it on or activated it from a remote I had altered. The best part was that I had wired the burn chamber to be completely irreversible. Meaning as soon as I activated it, there was no going back. The remote was a deadman's switch, meaning if I pressed down on it, it wouldn't activate until I let go, which could allow me time to bargain for my life, later. I had a feeling I would be using this feature against Light later. I wanted to key the remote into my biosignature, so that it would go off if I were to die, but wasn't sure how. Since my brother was good with biometrics, I figured I could have him help me with that and adding a fingerprint scanner to the device that meant it would go off if someone other than me touched it. Recently, I added a cooling mechanism to my burn chamber so that the whole house wouldn't catch on fire if the device was activated.

* * *

**November 28, 2003**

I checked, double-checked, and triple-checked the date.

I had been going to To-Oh for almost two months now. I had luckily passed the first semester exams that I had needed to make up, and had been learning how to write in Japanese through Light. He took the time to help me translate my essays from English to Japanese, but he could only do so much.

Luckily, my translator had a free schedule and was able to fill in where Light could not. Due to frequent meetings with her, I didn't spend much time in the Yagami household. Sayu had started complaining that I was out as often as her father; I could tell I had disappointed her when I woke up early in the mornings to leave, only to see her sitting in front of the telly, frowning at me. I made it back in time for dinner, but then spent the rest of my evening crammed in my room, futilely attempting to grasp a language that was totally incomprehensible for me.

Anyway, it was November twenty-eighth. The day that Light found the Death Note.

I had a panic attack that morning when I looked at my calendar. I had circled the date in black, like it was a funeral instead of a little notebook that would change everything.

To think that I had quite come to like Yagami Light, too. His views on the world were naive at the best, completely innocuous at worst. He was almost... bland. He was depthless, lacking in character, totally and completely safe... boring. I had meant what I had said at dinner that one night: I could never date Light-kun. He was just too... well... you know!

And so I had dreaded November twenty-eighth. That whole month, I felt sick waiting for the twenty-eighth to roll around. I barely ate, I couldn't sleep, and the Yagamis all thought I was ill. I was, in a way, too.

But the day had finally arrived. Today, Yagami Light was going to find the Death Note. Tonight, he would commit his first murder. And soon, he would be internationally known as Kira.

* * *

I wanted to prevent Light-kun from finding the notebook at all by getting it first, but I chickened out. I think that limbo-Light knew I would, too, because he allowed me to get all the way to his school, smirking. If he had been truly worried about my actions, he would have stopped me. I should have known.

So, with a long-suffering, worried sigh, I went to my classes at To-Oh. I managed to get home before Light and paced around my room, trying to figure out a plan while I waited for him to show up. I felt nauseous, and I almost threw up. The waiting, I think, was the worst part.

"You can't stop him," limbo-Light supplied nonchalantly from his place on my bed. He was lounging there, reading one of my textbooks. The sight pissed me off. "If you try to, I'll stop _you_."

"Yeah, I know," I said nervously, fixing my gaze on the window. It was pouring down rain. Lightning arched through the sky and thunder exploded over the sound of the downpour. It reflected my black mood, and for once, I truly understood the meaning of 'pathetic fallacy'. "But you can't blame me for trying, Yagami-san."

"I suppose not," Light mused, looking at me from over the top of the textbook. "But you will always fail. It seems rather pointless to even attempt whatever it is that you're planning when you're faced the the knowledge of imminent defeat right off the bat."

"For some reason, your defeatist attitude doesn't surprise me," I said bitterly, putting my head against the cool glass of the window. "My failure fuels your success, after all."

"Precisely," Light agreed, putting down the book to have a conversation with me. "Which is why you will not stop me from writing that first name in the Death Note." He put his arms behind his head and closed his eyes, features smug. "If anything, you'll _help_ me."

Was he high? I sneered, "I would never help you, Yagami-san."

"You will, ready or not, willing or not; it doesn't matter, Ellery– either way, your very presence benefits me greatly," cue twisted smirk. "I can control your body; whether I chose to possess you or not, I will always have that power over you, and I plan on using that to my advantage."

"You have no power over me," I argued. "You have control, and that's only because I haven't learnt to block you out, yet."

"I do like that word as well; 'control' and 'power'," Light said thoughtfully. "Any idea what you're going to try to do?"

I sighed, "You want a heads up. If I knew, you would know. You _can_ read my mind." Really, he was trying to have an unnecessary conversation. "Ah, what you really want is to stall me!" I realised looking at his face. It had a very sinister expression that, by this point, I was quite familiar with. "You don't want me to have time to think up a plan!"

Light shrugged elegantly. It was unfair that he was so completely graceful, even after death. "Perhaps."

I laughed, and even to my own ears, it sounded a bit like I'd lost it. "Joke's on you, Yagami-san! I like a good ol' fashioned Indy Ploy any way!" And with that I stormed out of my room. I went to Light's room and sat there at his desk, waiting for him. I was grateful that limbo-Light didn't follow me. My head was pounding, and holding any sort of conversation with him took too much concentration.

I fiddled with my fingers as I waited for Light-kun to come home, and wondered if touching the Death Note had been what had corrupted him. Ryuuk had said that anyone who came into contact with the Death Note was fated to lead a doomed life. Was the Death Note the true catalyst? Should I try to burn it?

Right as I was thinking of a way to discreetly steal the Note from Light, he came in. Not limbo-Light (who was still unaccounted for) but Light-kun.

Light flicked his lightswitch and almost jumped at finding me sitting in his chair. "Ellery-san?" he questioned, eyebrows furrowed. He set his canvas bag on his bed, taking off his school blazer and tie. If I had thought him prude, I was wrong, as he unbuttoned the top few buttons on his shirt and rolled his sleeves up to his elbows. "What are you doing in here?"

What was I–? My mouth had dried up. I coughed. "Um... I needed some help with a paper I'm writing on the sex- I mean _six_ wonders of the ancient world."

Light frowned in confusion. I could see the gears turning in his head as his eyebrows furrowed, but knew he was unable to find the conclusion he was looking for. "Ellery-san, there are seven wonders in the ancient world..."

I swallowed. Why had I said that? It was an awful cover-up of my actual statement and made me come off as an idiot. It was an Amane Misa worthy logical fallacy. I wanted to punch myself. Instead, I said: "Right, which is why I need your help."

Light glanced shiftily at his bag, where I knew the Death Note to be. "Can this wait for another time? I'm kind of busy right now..."

Great, now I was stuck. How was I supposed to keep him from using the Death Note if I couldn't distract him with a fake essay and steal it from his bag? Well... there was one way. One thing that I absolutely did not want to do. _Well, maybe a little bit_. It'd been a while since I'd had a boyfriend...

But I'd already told Light that I wasn't interested in him... what if that was why limbo-Light had said that he had power over my body? Because I'd kissed him right here, right now and started a relationship that didn't end? What if that's what he'd meant? Nah, that couldn't be it. Light didn't like women. He liked potato chips and L.

So one kiss couldn't hurt anything, right?

"Ellery-san," Light raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you okay? Your face is suddenly really flushed."

If possible, I blushed even more deeply. "Ah." I said intelligently.

"Ellery-san?" he sounded concerned. How could this adorable boy turn into such a monster in a meagre five years? "Ellery-san, do you need help getting back to your room?"

I thought for a minute, frozen. Was I really about to...? "No... I'm fine, Light-kun. You know you can call me 'Ellery-chan', right? I'd actually like that."

He didn't blush, but his shock was clear. He shook his head uncomfortably. "No, I didn't. I didn't want to take liberties."

Future him had no problem doing that.

"Well, you can. I'm giving you permission to," I said matter-of-factly. I was the one stalling. I needed more time. I wasn't ready to kiss him. Or was I? Maybe I should just get it out of the way, and then continue on like nothing had happened. I really wished that I had River Song-esque hallucinogenic lipstick right now. I could knock Light out and steal the Death Note, no problem. Who knew how far I'd have to go to distract Light without it.

I certainly didn't want to have sex with him. Or did I? I was so confused. He was attractive, sure, but he also turned into a complete psychopath and someone that I really hated after death.

"Ellery-san, what are you trying to do here?" Light accused, crossing his arms over his chest as he leant against the desk beside me. "What's wrong? You seem really jumpy and are acting strange."

I made a face at that, insulted. Had I really been acting so out of character? "You want to be a detective, right?" I asked. "Figure out what's wrong with this picture," I gestured to myself, eyes narrowed.

Light's expression turned steadily more lost. "I don't understand, Ellery-san. What am I supposed to be looking at?"

_Ouch. There goes my pride. You know what?! That's it!_

"What are you supposed to be looking at!" I exploded. "I waited for you in your room. I'm wearing a skirt and a low cut shirt, Light-kun! And you ask me what you're supposed to be looking at? How about me?"

He hurt my pride as a woman. What can I say?

Light looked slightly abashed, but no less like a kicked, confused puppy. His eyes were wide and brown. He was so adorable! Wasn't he supposed to be manipulative with women? He had implied that he'd had experience with women in that episode where he took that stupid tramp to Spaceland! "You always dress like that, Ellery-san."

Well, he was right but... "I gave you permission to call me 'Ellery-chan'!"

"I'm not sure how comfortable I feel about doing that," Light admitted, looking away.

"Are you playing coy?" I asked, struck by inspiration. "You are, aren't you?"

Light physically flinched at that. "'Coy'? What are you talking about?"

I took a deep breath. "Light. What do you know about women?"

Even more uncomfortable. "Um...they have a lot of feelings... I haven't gotten to that part in the behavioural analysis book you gave me."

Dear lord, he got all of his knowledge on the opposite sex from a textbook?

"Light, I'm sitting here, giving you all the signals of a woman who wants _to have sex with you_ and you're not getting the message!" I poked a finger at his chest. I was pretty sure he was in shock. "But you're too afraid to look at my body to read my body language. _Such _a prude."

"Oh," Light said. "I didn't realise..."

"Light?" I asked.

He couldn't look at me. "Yes, Ellery-san?"

"Kiss me, goddammit!" And with that, I slammed my mouth into his. I had been hoping to distract him long enough for me to get the Death Note, but Light pulled away only a few minutes later.

Out of breath, I thought to ask: "Did you learn anything?"

Light turned his back on me. "Only that I needn't be so modest around you. You're very outgoing," he sounded awkward.

"Anything else?" I prompted. Okay, this was no longer about the Death Note. This was Operation: Prepare Light for the Real World. So, so naive. It was painful.

His mood suddenly shifted, his head bending down, eyes behind his hair. "Well, I know that you came here dressed like you usually are -to get my attention, undoubtedly- and made up a story about how you needed help as a cover-up for your true goal. I know that goal involves coaxing some sort of sexual response out of me, but what I really can't figure out is this: _why_?"

"Knew you couldn't be _that_ ignorant," I let out a sigh of relief. "I thought I was going to have to explain to you where babies come from."

"I'm not an idiot, _Ellery_," my name rolled off his tongue without an honorific. I was a bit shocked. "I'm quite intelligent, you know."

"About what?" I think I lost it. I'm pretty sure I was putty in his hands as soon as he made his conclusions. I was no longer the predator, I was the prey. And Light wasn't afraid to let me know.

"About these sorts of things. About everything." He shrugged eloquently. He reminded me of limbo-Light. I knew he turned evil the first time he laid a finger on that damn notebook! "And I know that you have alternate motivations to starting this now. You've had plenty of time to try anything."

I was at an impasse. I opened my mouth to respond, but was cut off.

"So here I am, wondering to myself: 'what changed'?" He rose from his place at his desk, long strides taking him to the bed. He instantly latched onto the Death Note in his bag. "And I thought to myself: 'this. This is the only thing that's different'. So what do you know about it, Ellery?"

I bit my tongue. "Nothing."

"Oh, but you have to," he cited seductively, tossing the Death Note onto the desk in front of me and putting his hands on the sides of the chair, caging me in. I could feel his palms brushing my thighs, and it wasn't entirely unpleasant. "Or else you wouldn't have come here, now would you? You would have asked me what it was, if you knew nothing, as you claim. But you recognise this, don't you?"

He was good. _Oh, was he _good. "Maybe I do. I wouldn't tell you, if I did."

"See," Light said smartly, straightening up. "Now that's where you're wrong. You're going to tell me what this does."

"Didn't you read the rules?" I sneered.

"I did," Light agreed. "Going by the scared expression on your face, this works, too."

_Dammit. Wasn't the point of coming here to prevent him from writing in the Death Note? To stop him from being so corrupted?_

"But I'm not one to believe something without trying it myself," he reached around me for a pen, then turned on his desk lamp. His left arm fell to my shoulders as he pulled me towards him and forced me to look at the Death Note. "Tell me what you know. Your brother's name is Kyle Lawrence, isn't it?"

I lunged for the notebook, but Light pushed me down. "Ah, ah, ah," he taunted. "Be good, Ellery. You don't want to make me mad– my fingers might just _slip_ and I could start writing your brother's name."

"You don't know what he looks like," I realised, elatedly, struggling. "You can't kill him if you don't have his face!"

"Oh, but I do," said Light smugly. "You have pictures of him hanging on the walls of your room. Did you really forget that? I thought you were more intelligent, Ellery."

"You're a real bastard," I spat.

"No," Light disagreed. "I'm bored and there are bad people in the world." His expression softened. "I don't want to kill Kyle, Ellery. He's a good man. He works for MI6. But I need you to tell me how you know about the Death Note."

I opened and closed my mouth, unable to force out a lie.

Light raised his eyebrows at me. "Know that you forced my hand," he said reluctantly.

"NO!" I screamed. Light froze. "No, no, no, please," I could feel tears tracing down my cheeks. It was eerily similar to my dream. The nausea came back. "_Please_. I- I'll tell you what I know."

Light smiled, a genuine smile, and cupped my cheek with the hand holding the pen. "Excellent."

At some time, men are masters of their fate. The fault doesn't befall the universe when something goes wrong; it befalls the man for making that decision. And Light and I had both made our choices. Light was the goddamned Colossus and I was the puny underling.


End file.
